Get Ready for a ‘Smarter, Faster, Stronger’ Martha Stewart

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Is the sun setting on Martha's media empire? Photo: Bravo

Has America tired of at-home wreath-making and perfect chocolate-chip cookies? If the "abysmal" ratings for The Martha Stewart Show are any indication, the answer is: maybe! According to the L.A. Times, the ratings for her Hallmark show are less than half those of the Golden Girls reruns that her show replaced. Why is that? Is it because her show is on an obscure cable network that nobody can find on their TV? (It's channel 84 on our cable box.) Is it because American audiences have homemaker fatigue? Is it because Martha seems super bossy compared to people like Rachael Ray? Is it because the show also airs in syndication every day on NBC stations? (This seems likely.) Whatever the cause, it doesn't matter: Martha Stewart will not be ignored!

Instead of throwing in the towel and letting some young upstart bitch steal her thunder, Martha is redoubling her efforts to be the domestic queen of TV. She's only sleeping four hours a night! She's pole dancing on her show! She's using Twitter! GODDAMMIT PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

Honestly, we're not going to bet against her. A former Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia employee we talked to said everyone in the office was "scared shitless" when Martha came around. And now we kind of regret even writing this post. Don't come after us, Martha!

Martha Stewart's stock is sinking [LAT]