The audible buzz these days is that food and music are one in the same. Today, the New York Times notes the evolution of the gourmet experience at U.S. music festivals; over in the U.K., Fergus Henderson plans to crash a music fest with his own side-tent feast; our own New York Magazine recently highlighted indie kids who spend more on menus than on rock shows; and on the West Coast, where former music critic Jonathan Gold recently compared Cochon to Lollapalooza, Food Is The New Rock is confirming many suspicions that celebrity chefs really just want to be rock stars. Which got Grub Street thinking: What if chefs really were rockers? Which ones would they be?
Thomas Keller is Elvis
They are the Kings, undeniably.
Tom Colicchio is Bob Seger
Two blue-collar workhorses who became their own industries.
Jamie Oliver is Bono
Because they’re both going to save the world.
Grant Achatz and Nick Kokonas are Elton John and Bernie Taupin
One provides the flash, the other provides the nuts and bolts from behind the scenes.
Anthony Bourdain is Sid Vicious
Two big middle fingers to their industries, and no strangers to heroin.
Roy Choi is Snoop Dogg
Because they both have the weed-aided West Coast vibe down.
Wylie Dufresne is Brian Eno
Each is an experimentalist striving to make weird work in the mainstream.
Susan Feniger and Mary Sue Milliken are Heart
Some people still can’t figure out if these original female duos are sisters or lovers.
Mario Batali is Freddy Mercury
They both embody flamboyance, showmanship, and excess.
Jacques Pepin is Mick Jagger
Because both became legendary studs in the sixties, and have kept it going right through to today.
Alice Waters is Joni Mitchell
Both stripped their work down to the roots in order to make a larger statement.
David Chang is Michael Stipe
Because both injected avant-garde alternativism into the mainstream and hit the big time.
Hubert Keller is Diplo
Because both rock the party that rocks the body.
Dominique Crenn is Nico
Mercurial, seductive, European.
Gabrielle Hamilton is Liz Phair
Because both have put their complicated romantic frustrations, self-discoveries, and youthful mistakes on the page.
Dan Barber is Bob Dylan ("The Times They Are A-Changin'"-era)
Both stress the simple pleasures of American soil.
Daniel Humm is Bob Dylan ("Highway 61 Revisted"-era)
Because the rootsy grounding is still there, but with a little more flash in the presentation.
Rick Bayless is Paul Simon ("The Rhythm of the Saints"-era)
They've turned their indigenous obsessions into blockbuster careers.
Ferran Adrià is Kraftwerk
Because both like to mess with our heads.
Barbara Lynch is Pat Benatar
You wouldn't want to mess with either one of them.
Jonathan Waxman is Jerry Garcia
Looking at that side-by-side comparison we're thinking they might actually be the same person.
Gordon Ramsay is Ted Nugent
Because they both run their mouths so much that they manage to piss off everyone who isn’t completely tired of them already.
Jasper White is Jimmy Buffet
Two laid-back old men of the sea.
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